Healthy New Year?

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Everyone knows January is the peak month for an increase in gym memberships, diets, etc. Year in and year out, "weight loss" consistently remains as one of the most popular new year's resolutions. One of my friends even posted a status on New Year's Eve that said "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet."

Restaurants know this too - and many have been offering healthy options for a while now, with obesity levels skyrocketing and what not. Yet, the other day at Red Robin with a group of friends I couldn't believe the "healthy alternative" that was offered on the menu - but I was even more shocked when one of my friends ordered it.

Behold, an easy way to cut down on carbs (?):

That's right, discretely filling in for a HAMBURGER BUN (as if no one would notice) is nothing more (or less) than tasteless, bland, watery, LETTUCE.

Now, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most people don't go to a burger restaurant that serves bottomless steak fries with the intent of shedding a few pounds.

Yet, I think that this might be the secret solution to weight loss that people have been relentlessly searching for decades. Get this: replace everything with lettuce.

Why stop with the Lettuce posing as a hamburger bun? It's a versatile vegetable:

1. Lettuce pizza - who really likes the crust anyway?

2. Fettucini and *lettuce* - Alfredo sauce, who needs it? Lettuce sauce? Now that's more like it. Noodles coated with crunchy watery goodness that only iceberg can manage.

3. Ice cream Lettuce Sunday! - don't feel bad adding an extra scoop of sprinkles to that delicious, organic vegetable doused in chocolate syrup.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen - the secret to weight loss - replace anything that has calories (and taste) with lettuce! It's so easy a rabbit could do it! I honestly don't see any flaws in this fool-proof plan...

What's that? Oh yeah, lettuce sucks. Never mind. Go join a gym.


  1. You are genius. I think I'll be saying "Amen, Joyce" at least once a day this year.

  2. hahahaha i LOVE it...lettuce makes the world go round! great job joycie!