Rather than describe all of my vacation adventures (working on it!) - I decided to compile a list of 10 things that I decidedly didn't do while on vacation:
1. Drop my iPad off of the Golden Gate Bridge while taking pictures on a double-decker bus despite nearly 100mph winds.
|but it was clearly worth the risk for all of the crooked, non-centered pictures I took ;)|
2. Lose my license/wallet/camera/other important items in one of our four rooms.
3. Get eaten by a bear in Yosemite.
|Against all odds!|
4. Get eaten by a shark in Monterey.
|Monterey Bay - whattup, Steinbeck.|
5. Lose my phone. (for more than 30 minutes) (who puts their phone under a shirt on the ironing board?)
6. Accidentally drive off a cliff on Pacific Highway 1 whilst distracted by breathtaking ocean views.*
|Seriously, look at the road! Views for days.|
7. Accidentally drive off a cliff in Yosemite whilst distracted by beautiful mountain views.**
|Through the front window! Note the "speeding kills bears" sign in the lower left corner. They put these (predictably) where cars have killed bears - sad! Also, can you imagine hitting a bear? I cannot.|
8. Get abducted while making the pitch-black mile walk back to our apartment in the crime-ridden streets of Carmel-by-the-sea.
9. Navigate us the wrong way.***
10. Miss my 8am flight back home.
|But I (not-so-secretly) kind of wish I did.|
Am I not just an incredibly accomplished being?! I encourage you to reflect on your last week, and think of all the things you amazingly didn't do. Did you get fired? Did you drop your cellphone in a toilet? Did you get arrested? Did you lose your license?
[Tangent: How does anyone not lose their license?! Hey, this is really important so we're going to give it to you on a 2inch by 1inch piece of paper and ask for it intermittently at seemingly disconnected places: bars, airports, pharmacies, and sometimes when you use your credit card. Also, it randomly expires, you need a new one if you move, but you can only get them between 9am-1pm every other Wednesday at the DMV, etc. If you have never lost yours, you, my friend, are a feat of nature.]
Did you get injured by a bear/shark/stray dog/vending machine? Did you inadvertently drive off a cliff? If not, go you! You should revel in your non-doing. If one of those things did happen to you last week, then here's to a better week this week! If all of those things happened to you last week - and you're still living to read this blog post - you should totally write a memoir.
*Note: I wasn't driving. Ever.
***Within reason. I can hardly be blamed for the time we went south instead of north. We were technically still driving on the correct road. Details.