I be up in the gym

Monday, October 31, 2011

...just working on my fitness.

I found a fool proof way to make myself run on the treadmill! I've been getting better at running long distance since my basketball days came to an end. And by "long distance" I mean 2 miles.

And usually at about mile 1.5 I have to start playing the beginning to "Superbass" on repeat and picturing myself rapping on a stage so I make it through the last painful 800 meters. Don't act like you don't do that.

But yesterday I managed to go 3.25 miles on a treadmill without stopping!! That's more than a 5k! If it wasn't so embarrassing, I'd let you guys know that that distance could possibly be the longest I've run without stopping in my whole life.

What inspired me to run such an impressively long distance? A desire to get in shape and improve my health? Nope. In short, the Steelers were on TV.

It was amazing how I could get so into the game that I forgot about running. The only problem came when I forgot I was in a public gym.

I was cruising along on my mill, jammin to some Drake, when the Steelers made a big play and I exclaimed "GO!" I was trying to yell, anyway, but I have a feeling it was extra loud considering "Up All Night" was blasting from my headphones.

This wouldn't have been too much of a problem, the gym wasn't too crowded since I bet most people were watching football from their couches. However, one lady in front of me seemed very perturbed by my outburst.

I don't like making fun of people while they work out, but that's not going to stop me from doing it right now. She was wearing a fleece while going on an elliptical at approximately negative 2 miles an hour. But really, had she been going any slower, she would have been going backwards. And turned around and glared at me for a solid four eliptical strides. Which was like 45 minutes.

But that's not the worst part of it all. The worst part is, on her little mini TV screen attached to her elliptical...she was watching NASCAR. Enough said.

Happy Halloween!

From Food to Adjective

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I learned something today.

I feel like that sentence should be a stand-alone paragraph. It's not every day I start a blog post with a declaration like that. Keep reading, you'll be less impressed, I promise.

I'm at lunch and one of the girls I'm with is describing a guy I've never met. She's using the typical adjectives one uses when describing a new crush - you know, in the phase before you find out he also leaves the seat up and obsessively texts his ex-girlfriend.

This guy is "nice" and "funny" and "crunchy" and "granola" and I'm all "Excuse me, what were those last two?"

She explained that "granola" is a totally acceptable term to use when describing a human...you know, just your typical vest-wearing, water bottle-toting, outdoorsy, free-spirited dude. And the weird part is, I knew exactly what she meant. But still, GRANOLA? How should I feel if someone calls me that? Can you really categorize someone as a breakfast food?

So, I got back to my office and immediately Urban Dictionaried it and, turns out, my friends aren't liars! It's actually legit

Granola: It's not just for breakfast anymore

As weird as it sounded, I decided to embrace this wholeheartedly. Thus proving that you can, in fact, you can teach a 23 year-old dog new tricks. Turned the big 2-3 yesterday, and I'm still learning things right and left. The best news about this is that I am now determined to transform more food items into human characteristics.

"Sure, she's nice, but she's so salad."

"If he wasn't so pizza all the time, maybe I'd consider dating him."

"I love her! She's just pretzel."

I'm super excited about this revelation because it allows me to indulge in two of my passions:

1. Food
2. Judging people

I'd feel better about my life if that list wasn't all-inclusive.


Sunday, October 23, 2011

I started this post two weeks ago. This happened to me on 10/13. Last week I was in California on a trip for work! So I have had very little time to post! Anyway, here's a story from a couple weeks ago:

The strangest thing happened to me today. For work, I was helping out at a clinic in Waukesha, Wisconsin. Or, as I like to say Wauke$ha. I only wish that my name had an "s" in it. "Joy$" doesn't quite work out.

Side note: I was considering going as Ke$ha for halloween, but I was afraid people might see me and think I wonder why that girl with gross hair didn't dress up.

Anyway, at this clinic, I was circulating between three areas: 2 areas on the third floor and one on the fourth. Now some people may have taken the stairs when ambulating from the 3rd to 4th floor, but I am not one of those people.

So I'm getting onto the elevator on floor 3 and here's where I'm going to start recording details that I usually wouldn't notice:  The elevators are near a corner. 2 other smiley people are in the elevator already when I enter. One male and one female, standing near the back. I'm standing near the buttons, I press floor 4, and the doors begin to close.

Suddenly, around the corner comes running a little boy, probably no more than 3 years old. His mother is trailing him by a few steps, and he's running, arms outstretched, smiling. He's running straight into the elevator, through the closing doors. And it was like things sped up and slowed down at the same time. Before any thought crossed my mind, I was quickly squatting down and my hand was shooting through the door to the little boy's chest and pushing him backwards. I pushed him with the exact right force: he got out of the doorway, but didn't fall over. His mom caught him, and called out "thank you." And the 3 of us in the elevator all watched the doors close (their motion sensors clearly unaffected by my hand or the boy), and then looked at each other and said phrases such as "Oh my gosh, I almost had a heart attack"

The weirdest thing about it all is, I'm the opposite of smooth. I often hit people with my bag when walking down the aisle of an airplane. I drop things. Constantly. I run into walls like it's my job. But in that moment, when I couldn't even think straight, somehow, my hand just knew exactly what to do. Hundreds of neurons must have fired in my brain for that action to be possible, but everything happened so quickly.

Anyway, I'm convinced that I did a terrible job of re-telling that story...but I wanted to record it here since it was such a strange moment.

Since I'm finally in the office for a whole week straight - I should hopefully have more time to post this week :) I know I've been slacking in October!