My cat won't let me cook: Tywin update, 2 weeks

The fact that I'm writing 2-week cat update makes me think that (if I'm lucky enough to have children one day) I'm on pace to being the most annoying parent in the world. To be safe, I would recommend unfriending/unfollowing me on all social networks immediately. I'm destined to be nauseatingly obsessed.

But, I just want to capture and remember these first moments with me and my new kitten.*

So far, Tywin is the perfect mix of energetic and playful, and social and cuddly.** Many people are complimenting him by saying "he's like a dog!" which I find a funny compliment-- kind of like telling a girl who's good at sports she's "like a boy!" :) But hey, I'm glad he's social. I wasn't prepared for any typical emo-angsty cat sh*t.

He (obviously) likes Stephen more. Since I spend more time with him though, I'm trying to convert him by telling him horrible lies about Stephen. (I also shamelessly overfeed him.)

I'll spare you long winded cat tales (saving those for in-person conversations) and break it down into lists:

Things Tywin is strictly prohibited from doing:

1. Jumping on the kitchen counters.

2. Going into the bathroom. 

Things Tywin is obsessed with:

1. Hair ties. I think he thinks they're alive. He chases them around, from the floor, to the couch, to the bed (where I'm lying down), all around the floor. He bats them around like they're living beings rather than elastic devices used making ponytails.

2. The toys from Claire, Steve, Marissa, and the Ragards. (thanks, guys!)

3. Jumping on the kitchen counters. I actually cannot cook anything without him jumping on the counters like every 3 - 4 minutes. Just what I need - less motivation to cook :)

4. Going into the bathroom. We keep the door shut 90% of the time, since our bathroom is the size of a luxury camper bathroom (or an average camper? it's tiny.) But, the second the door inevitably opens, he darts in. It's actually such a small bathroom that it's hard to get him out because when you open the door you kind of trap him in the room (which he loves.) He must think the reason we keep the door shut is it's a magical lair. He is so bizarre.

I don't understand the appeal.

5. His canned food. One would assume poultry pate or turkey & giblets would be repulsive, but often he won't let me put it in his bowl in peace he's so excited. (He jumps on the counters to try to eat it straight from the can. Shocking.)

It looks gross, right?

Things Tywin likes:

1. String! Shoe string, ribbon, etc. He has a (much) higher vertical than I do when jumping for said string. He also actively prevents me from tying my shoes. He's convinced it's a game.

still not a game, dude.

2. Getting into bags/baskets/under couches/into the most tiny small spaces you wouldn't think imaginable.

I wish this pic wasn't blurry!

3. Dry food. He used to be obsessed with it, but now that the vet said we need to also serve him (canned) wet food he eats the dry, but not as enthusiastically. Our snobby foodie kitten. Fits right into the Madison food scene!

4. Walking all over my keyboard! Thus far he has only fb messaged one of my friends jibberish -- but if I randomly like a strange photo of you, I blame Tywin. Any future awkward social media interactions are henceforth blamed on my pet.

5. Sitting on my books as I attempt to read them (he's such an attention whore.)

He clearly finds my reading boring. He does like book pillows though.

You're totally making seeing the words a breeze, man.

Things that absolutely baffle Tywin:

1. The origin of the laser pointer. (thanks for the suggestion, Rachael!) It's hilarious. Video forthcoming.

Things Tywin detests with the passion of 1000 suns:

1. The vacuum cleaner.

2. When we scoop his litter. (We have to shut him out of the room when we do this, or he'll stop us. How does a 6 pound cat stop you from doing anything? you ask. He lies in the litter box and doesn't move. Incredibly effective method.) Even when I shut him out so I can scoop in peace, he peers under the door while I'm doing it and gets all moody. It's similar to a baby that screams her head off when you change her diaper, I guess. Hello! I'm the one who should be mad in this situation, not you!

Things I have to use ALL THE TIME because Tywin's propensity to track litter all over:

1. The vacuum cleaner.
2. Paper towels. It's so noticeable how much quicker we now go throw paper towels. Hello, cleaning supplies I never before bothered to buy.

Overall, we love him. I actually can't believe it's only been a little over 2 weeks since we got him. Stephen and I were joking the other day "What on earth did we talk about before Tywin? What was life like!?" but he really does take up a lot of mental energy! I'm sure it will wane over time as he grows out of the kitten phase.

He also wakes us up on the weekends. We get up at 7:15ish during the week, and we don't get up then on weekends. Tywin hates it. He meows and meows and meows, a little alarm clock. It would be extremely annoying if it wasn't so cute. His cuteness makes it only moderately annoying.

It's my goal to make him the most social cat ever, so maybe I am trying to make him dog-like. But notably a dog that doesn't need to go outside when it's below 0 degrees next week ;) Thus ends my cat update post -- until next month. May my street cred forever Rest In Peace.

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*Did you just throw up in your mouth a little bit? I'm sorry. I'll stop. 
**Okay. Honestly, I'm not really going to stop. Maybe you can just skip the cat update posts, but read the other ones? All other posts will be less nauseating, I promise. Though these ones have the cutest pictures!