Is it just me, or is getting, sorting, and processing mail as hard as flying out of Madison in the middle of storm Draco?

snow storm pictures scattered throughout post. this one titled "the day the price of underground parking became worth it"

When Becky came to visit in September, she forced me to open mail......from May. Every sales promotion had expired by at least 30 days by the time I mustered the energy to open the envelope. In theory, I may have even owed the electric company hundreds and hundreds of dollars at one point.

Whatever. The never shut off our power! Truly, it's the little victories.

average siting of a cactus in a snow storm

horse made of horseshoes

I hope I'm not the only one who goes through this terribly daunting task on a quarterly basis, when the scattered stacks of envelopes start interfering with my eating space. How can I pour the entire bag of shredded cheese on my soup if these envelopes are making it impossible for me to put my spoon down?

Don't get me wrong, I also hate emails. And particularly sales clerks asking me for my email address. I'll give you my zip code if I must but, listen lady, I already get daily emails from Groupon, Orbitz, American Airlines, Spotify, Amazon, and the President of the United States, thank you very much.  {Note: I recently unsubscribed from a bunch of vendors and it was life altering. If you're looking for a super easy new years resolution that doesn't involve standing up, look no further!} Also note: I'm not talking about work emails because blogging and crying are a bad combo.

some serious icicles

One time the check-out lady at New York & Company was pressing me for my email address as if possessing my gmail account was going to make or break the company's year end sales.  I looked her dead in the eye and said "It is my life goal to receive as few emails as possible."

I know what you're thinking -- why do I keep reading this blog? She's just so ambitious and it's just too intimidating.  Just remember, not everyone can shoot for the stars in terms of life goals the way I do. {Also, let me know if you can think of anymore seated resolution ideas because I totally need one.}


Anyway, NY&Co lady gawked at me like I was unworthy of my newly purchased floral scarf and silently passed me my receipt. Truly, it's the little victories.

a blanket of snow covering Wisconsin

I know what you're thinking now too. Well, what is your proposed solution for mail, then, if neither the postal service nor email is good enough? When are you going to stop complaining and offer solutions?

To which I respond - the answer is obvious:

Merry Christmas, Homies!

Hugs

I understand that I don't actually have a "real" blog. First, I have absolutely zero sponsors (not getting any straight cash, homie). Second, I don't get hate mail or nasty comments from readers who think I'm inappropriate, obnoxious, or a bad person. I  average 0.5 comments per post (thanks, Mom and Stephen!)

Any high-profile bloggers always have haters, like high-profile people. I'll know I've made it in the blogosphere when hoards of people are super pissed at me all the time. Can't wait!

Thirdly, I can tell I don't have a "real" blog because I don't have any agenda for my posts. I don't have to blog about current events. I never once talked about politics during the presidential election, and didn't even mention Hurricane Sandy. Any "real" bloggers are forced by the public to mention these things.

I enjoy not talking about current events because my blog is an escape where I can vent about traveling, rave about food, obsess over books, etc. Also, I genuinely find Essie nail polish more interesting than the race for presidency. (This would be a perfect opportunity for my future haters to get mad at me!)

But, you guys....I'm so sad about Connecticut. :(

I don't even want to talk about it, but felt wrong posting about anything else since it has been breaking my heart each day since I heard the horrible news on Friday.

I do believe there is more good than evil in the world. And I'm praying for those impacted by this tragedy. I don't personally know anyone directly impacted, but if I did, I would definitely drop everything to give them a hug. I'm willing to bet each one of you would do the same.

I think prayer is powerful, but we shouldn't leave it at that. Just because you don't know any of the victims doesn't mean you can't share love and support with those who you do know. For everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. I think you should invite that person you weren't going to include. I think you should offer a Christmas cookie to that quiet co-worker. I think you should smile at that stranger. I think you should call your parents. I think you should hug your friends. Ultimately, you guys, I think life is hard. And we should help each other out.

One cool thing about not having a "real" blog is I essentially know everyone who ever reads this - family, a few high school friends from the Burgh, former Bucknell teammates, other Bucknellians, friends from work, Madtown, etc.

I can honestly say that I care about each person who reads this and - if I had my act together and wasn't the most disorganized person ever - I would totally send each of you a personalized Christmas card wishing you a wonderful holiday, and a brighter 2013 than 2012. I hope the new year brings new promise, and you feel loved, appreciated, and wanted, because you are.

The next time I see you, I'll give you a hug. :) In the mean time, you should go hug other people.


Love,
Joyce

What Not to Gift

I once did a fairly popular post where I pretended I was a fabulous fashion blogger. Well, today, my delusional alter-ego is popping back in to share with you holiday gifts for guys! This blog proves that I'm totally in the running for girlfriend of the year - so follow these gift reccomendations so you're not lonely under the mistletoe come Christmas!

Nothing says "I kind of like you" like giving your boo-ski a Blackberry in his stocking. With it's once-was-cutting edge technology, and limited application selection, you'll be sure he doesn't spend too much time on his new gadget, and still can devote hours to watching you exchange your gifts at the mall. Plus, why does he need Siri when he has YOU?!

Practical, fashionable, and functional?! Screw GPSs. Look no further! I don't even know how your boyfriend has made it to this point in his life without owning Starfish cufflinks from everyone's favorite jeweler. Stop hanging out with a guy who looks like he's white trash and give his forearms the glamour that they deserve. (Side note: did anyone else know starfish lived in the celestial heavens? learn something new everyday!)

Also, he's likely not going to take the Tiffany & Co. plunge unless you lead the way, right ladies? How else are you going to have your little blue box moment if you don't guide him there? Another perk is I've heard Tiffany offers free shipping if you spend $5,900, donate a kidney, and refinance your house - so you might as well pick up some shiny goodies for yourself while you're browsing their website!

Hopefully your boyfriend already has everyone's favorite Man Uggs (or as I coined them "Muggs") but if he doesn't you either need to buy these for him ASAP or find a new more fashionable mate. Nothing is more manly than sheepskin footwear.

It's safe to assume he obviously wants to be just like Tom Brady - why else would he be dating a super model!?

***

MERRY ALMOST CHRISTMAS!

***
p.s. I would recommend going against these recommendations unless you're trying to break up with your boyfriend. In which case, there's gotta be a cheaper way.

Winter is Coming

It snowed today in Madison, which was perfect because I needed a reason to sit on my couch for hours on end. Thanks, weather! I owe you one. But you owe me all those flight delays, power outages, and bad driving conditions. Seriously. Nowhere close to even. I still don't care about you.

I drove my boyfriend to the airport through the snow and then back to my apartment this morning, so now I know how George Washington felt after crossing the Delaware. WHAT a feat. And, on the way there, Stephen sincerely said to me, "Wow. This is the best I've ever seen you drive." There's a quote for the history books.

I need to get a better camera, but here are some shots from my iPhone from this weekend:

Stephen and I ate a restaurant that is on the top floor of the Overture Center in Madison - it was decorated very festively :)

I don't have much to say now (begging the question, "Why are you blogging?"), but I'm having one of those Sunday nights where the dread of the impending work week overwhelms me and next Friday at 5:00pm seems like it's at the end of a 100-mile long tunnel that I'm walking through with no cell phone service and it kind of seems like it might cave in any day now. However, there are some awesome things I've been distracting myself with lately that are perfect diversions, especially if you're also snowed in, so here are my unsolicited recommendations:

Start reading George R.R. Martin's A Game of Thrones if you haven't already. I'm obsessed and want to name my future children after the characters. Hermione is just too hard to spell. (Luna is obviously still in the running ;) )

Listen to Corrine Bailey Rae's The Sea. You've probably heard Put your records on but the whole album is full of passionate, heartfelt songs that improve even the dullest commutes. One of my favorites is Like a Star.

Also, you should read Dooce if you don't - especially if you want to know what a real blog looks like.

Instead of a long, slow collapsing tunnel, I hope your week turns out to be a short well-lit tunnel that ends in a beautiful city scape like the Fort Pitt tunnels - which are beautifully captured in The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie - which you should also go see. Happy December :)

Wherein I pretend to be domestic

I usually post about my culinary disasters on here - so decided to be optimistic today and post about a semi-success in the kitchen.

Big news:  I made a lasagna. And the world didn't end. And my only tears were onion-cutting induced.

I realized on Sunday that I don't think I've ever cut an onion before IN MY LIFE. Talk about a milestone. Regardless, I was borderline sobbing in my kitchen while doing so. Which is good, because recently I have only been crying about 4 times a week so I've been meaning to get my average back up. Fortunately, the only beings judging me for crying were the bugs in my oatmeal.

Granted, I did almost have a panic attack in the grocery store. That might be a slight overstatement, but does anyone else find grocery shopping overwhelmingly difficulty? There are just so many things and I have no idea where anything is. It's similar to how I feel when I try to pack for a trip or look at my email on a Monday morning.

It makes me wish our stores still looked the way they did in the Oregon Trail when you walked in and told the general store owner exactly what you need and he retrieved it from behind the counter. No moving involved! No struggling to read signs while pushing your cart around looking for parsley and then suddenly you bought 5 new colors of Essie nailpolish instead.



but seriously, is there a support group I can join for this addiction?

In addition to having shopping be so much easier (why do I have to have 18 options for ricotta cheese? Why can't I have one?) I often wish I lived in an earlier era because then:

a.) I wouldn't get any emails.
b.) My name would be more contemporary.

Downside being women wouldn't have any rights. And, although I've never really dappled in it, I'm going to go out on a limb and say I would majorly suck at needlepoint.

Regardless - given my track record of kitchen catastrophes, I'm thrilled to report that: I survived the grocery store, my lasagna was made ...and eaten! No reported food poisoning. Yet. Merry early Christmas!