Hallmark Dilemma

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

It takes me an unnaturally long amount of time to select greeting cards for people. Not only is this flaw beginning to infringe upon my free time, but it is also becoming an expensive habit. Kind of like smoking, but less relaxing and more stress-inducing.

And less cool.  Yes, I think smoking is incredibly stupid and disgusting, but I still think there's some coolness factor to it that may be keeping tobacco businesses in company (or perhaps that's the nicotine).  Case in point: James Dean never posed in an aisle of Hallmark, did he?

So the other day I walked to the CVS near my apartment to pick out a birthday card for a friend.  Since the CVS is conveniently super close, I assumed this task would be a brief part of my day, composed of merely minutes, and hardly worth mentioning. Sadly, I forgot I was me.

Because I can't just read one card. I have to read every single card that's there.  Even though I know, going into this, that 85% cards ever produced I DESPISE.

For example:
1. Cards that have mushy poems in them that make me want to gag myself.
2. Cards that have cute messages but HIDEOUS ILLUSTRATIONS, causing me to ask questions including, but not limited to:
            Why does that cat look like it got run over by a truck? Why can't I tell if that cartoon figure is male or female? Why the hell is there a deformed squirrel on this card?

3. Cards that have a stupid, annoying flap of paper randomly inside of them with the message printed on it, causing me to ask the question: WHY?
4. Any card that is over $5. I would much rather have a $5 gift card to Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, McDonald's, the DMV, or ANYWHERE.
Now that I think about it, if it's over $3, I'd much rather have 3 packs of Skittles than a folded piece of paper with a generic message.

Anyway - back to me in the store. After reading every single card and wasting away minutes of my life that I will never gain back, I usually narrow it down to two. One that I find funny and one that is basically boring, but simple. And then I debate. Should I go with the one that is out-on-a-limb, but I find funny, or the "safe bet"??

The worst is when my indecisiveness conquers me and I buy both. Hence, the expensiveness of this habit.

But, not the other day - I finally just sucked it up and bought only one:  the funny card.

Only to return the next evening to buy the "boring" one.

1 comment: