Candy Hearts & Lean Pockets

Sunday, January 27, 2013

While washing dishes this morning, I was overcome with a sad thought, and not just because I was washing dishes. "I don't have much longer to eat candy hearts." Oh, the sorrows of seasonal candy. And then I realized that my sad thought was actually absolutely inaccurate because Valentine's day is still 3 weeks away and then you can get them real cheap at CVS; so through my estimations it's probably a solid month and a half before candy hearts go out of season.

So, while some people use the internet to post life milestones, I wanted to let you guys know: I have eaten a ridiculously impressive amount of candy hearts so far this year, and it's not even February. So many, in fact, that I subconsciously assumed Valentine's Day was over.

It's no secret I like candy. But, in addition to digesting truckloads of sugar yesterday - I also had a pretty solid dinner. Here's the texts showing my boyfriend's utterly impressed reaction:

I admit, Lean Pockets are an embarrassing to own, let alone consume, but I had done A LOT of cleaning yesterday so my domestic gas tank was empty. I don't eat Lean Pockets very often (for real, you guys), so I think the biggest slap in the face was seeing step number 2 when I read the instructions:

So the makers of Lean Pockets just up and assumed I'd be using a paper plate?! Really, do any other foods have the paper plate assumption? I guess that's when you know your culinary choices are the lowest of the low. Why didn't it just tell me to use a paper towel? THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE ALWAYS DOES ANYWAY.

Just to spite the pocket-makers, I placed my pocket on a beautifully made fiesta-ware turquoise plate. 

On an unrelated note, I was out of paper towels. I was having some friends over last night and people kept asking "What can I bring?" and I actually asked one of my friends to bring paper towels. Which, in hindsight, is super weird. However, she did bring them. Thanks again! :) Next time, I'm totally going to use this method to get all my shopping done for me. "We're good on beer, but could you bring some Shampoo, Q Tips, and Crest toothpaste?" Fool proof plan.

As I pulled my burning plate out from the greatest of all kitchen appliances (the microwave, duh), I even considered using silver ware to eat it and washing "my meal" down with some expensive wine. So, take note, writers of microwave oven instructions. Just because I eat Lean Pockets doesn't mean I'm a classless person living in a shack. It doesn't mean my kitchen lacks REAL DISHES. I'm not sure what it means actually. But, come to think of it, it definitely doesn't mean anything good, either.

Fortunately, although my main course was offensive (and tasted bad), my dessert was a super positive experience. Every heart had some sort of uplifting compliment!

P.s. The g-key on my key board has sporadically stopped working so my emails for work say things like "Let's work on printin, faxin, and reportin" - I sure hope soundin like a lumberjack helps my professionalism. See the "soundin" in that sentence? I didn't try to do that. Legitimately every time there is a "g" in a word in this post I have typed it twice. I just want you to be aware of the incredible sacrifices I make for this blog. ;) 

P.p.s Thanks for the support on my last post. I wasn't sure if I should do a serious post, because I generally make my blog posts pretty dumb (e.g. this post), but I appreciate your "likes"! And, just so you know, when you click the little facebook "like" button below, I have absolutely no idea who you are. Some fb confidentiality thing. But I do appreciate every single like :)

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