10 Things I Didn't Do on Vacation

Monday, September 29, 2014

It feels, as usual, both good and bad to be back from vacation. On the one hand, I slept nearly 11 hours last night (there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed!) On the other, I'm officially really far away from the ocean. But hey, there are worse things! The fall foliage is showing off its colors in Madison, so that was a nice surprise to come home to. (Palm trees don't change colors in the fall, it turns out.)

Rather than describe all of my vacation adventures (working on it!) - I decided to compile a list of 10 things that I decidedly didn't do while on vacation:

1. Drop my iPad off of the Golden Gate Bridge while taking pictures on a double-decker bus despite nearly 100mph winds. 
but it was clearly worth the risk for all of the crooked, non-centered pictures I took ;)
2. Lose my license/wallet/camera/other important items in one of our four rooms.

3. Get eaten by a bear in Yosemite.

Against all odds!
4. Get eaten by a shark in Monterey.

Monterey Bay - whattup, Steinbeck.
5. Lose my phone. (for more than 30 minutes) (who puts their phone under a shirt on the ironing board?)

6. Accidentally drive off a cliff on Pacific Highway 1 whilst distracted by breathtaking ocean views.*
Seriously, look at the road! Views for days.
7. Accidentally drive off a cliff in Yosemite whilst distracted by beautiful mountain views.**
Through the front window! Note the "speeding kills bears" sign in the lower left corner. They put these (predictably) where cars have killed bears - sad! Also, can you imagine hitting a bear? I cannot.
8. Get abducted while making the pitch-black mile walk back to our apartment in the crime-ridden streets of Carmel-by-the-sea.

9. Navigate us the wrong way.***

10. Miss my 8am flight back home. 
But I (not-so-secretly) kind of wish I did.
Am I not just an incredibly accomplished being?! I encourage you to reflect on your last week, and think of all the things you amazingly didn't do. Did you get fired? Did you drop your cellphone in a toilet? Did you get arrested? Did you lose your license? 

[Tangent: How does anyone not lose their license?! Hey, this is really important so we're going to give it to you on a 2inch by 1inch piece of paper and ask for it intermittently at seemingly disconnected places: bars, airports, pharmacies, and sometimes when you use your credit card. Also, it randomly expires, you need a new one if you move, but you can only get them between 9am-1pm every other Wednesday at the DMV, etc. If you have never lost yours, you, my friend, are a feat of nature.]

Did you get injured by a bear/shark/stray dog/vending machine? Did you inadvertently drive off a cliff? If not, go you! You should revel in your non-doing. If one of those things did happen to you last week, then here's to a better week this week! If all of those things happened to you last week - and you're still living to read this blog post - you should totally write a memoir.

*Note: I wasn't driving. Ever.
**See *
***Within reason. I can hardly be blamed for the time we went south instead of north. We were technically still driving on the correct road. Details.

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