First World Problems: The Sequel

Monday, November 21, 2011

I posted briefly about first world problems here before, but my friend posted this hilarious video on my wall of this boy doing the first world problem rap. If I knew anything about blogging, I could embed the video right here:

But I don't. So there's a lot of blank space where a video could be. I am inspired by people that make a living off their blogs (Heather B. Armstrong at dooce, Allie at hyperbole and a half, etc.) and then I realize: those people actually know what they're doing. Me? I right dumb stories about my life. And I spelled "write" wrong in that sentence. I was going to change it, but case in point..

So, although I cannot embed a video because I have the technological IQ of an Amish grandmother, I do know a fancy way to google that for you. It's the first video that comes up of the 13 year old nerdy boy in the white T. And yes, by nerdy I mean totally awesome. Let's face it, this kid is probably in 8th grade and is WAY funnier than I'll ever be.

Also, because of him, I looked at my life through a different lens. I challenged myself to spend the afternoon thinking of all the first world problems I experienced, and found that my life is basically a list of them. From the point I watched that video, on:

First world problem #1: My auto correct on my iPhone kept messing up my texts/my battery was dying.
First world problem #2: I had crappy letters on Words with Friends
          four E's are you kidding me?! Side note: according to Words with Friends, "Jew" is not an acceptable word. Huh. Too bad, too because that J is worth a lot of points! Also, if you read this, pleassseeee play words with friends with me. :) (Could I be more desperate?)

First World Problem #3: There were NO free good treadmills at the gym

         I don't pay hundreds of dollars a year to go on an elliptical, thank you very much. Also, the little tiny treadmills? I legit think I'm too big for. It sounds like a Mastodon stampede every time I attempt to run on one of those midget-sized machines.  What's a Mastodon you ask?


Now picture a herd of those running on a machine built for a 90 lb cheerleader. I'm not trying to pick up guys at the gym, but I'm also not trying to deafen everyone there with the pounding of my feet on a shitty workout machine. I might not fix my hair, but I have some standards.

First World Problem #4: After waiting for like 20 minutes (read: 7) to get a treadmill, I'm running, and I can't find the song I want to hear on my iPod.
         Does anyone else have this problem? It's like I'm desperately searching for some Drake and somehow Carole King is singing? I thought Apple was all about user-friendliness. Apple should come out with a new, better iPod that's easier to work out with. Oh, they did make something new and better since this guy?:

Well, they should come out with something new and better and give it to me for free. This is America, for goodness sake.

Anyway, I could continue but I will save you from the pity party. And I know most of my posts are basically dumb....but it made me think... I do have a lot to be thankful for if these are my biggest complaints about a day :) So, in the spirt of the holidays that are quickly approaching us, I am wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving week! Count your blessings, and don't forget to "rejoyce" :)

My day in iPhone photos

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

My favorite feature of my iphone 4s is the camera. By far. Sure, it's fun asking Siri (my personal assistant) every single day if she will marry me and hearing her variety of different responses.  I like "Let's just be friends, ok?" As well as "That's not in the contract." Nothing like getting consistently rejected by an inanimate object. Yes, I remember when my Furby hated me and wouldn't talk to me. Some things never change.

But I just love snapping random pictures throughout my day. For instance, on the way to work, I had the honor of sitting behind this vehicle at a stoplight:

An enormous Budlight bumper sticker? That's taking the motto "Mini Van, Mega Fun" to a whole new level. I couldn't actually tell if they were advertising for Budlight, or just really adament fans. But I'm leaning towards the latter. (Have any of you seen BL vans driving around, kind of like the Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile or the Good Year Blimp?)

Once I got to work, I snapped a pic on my way to the company cafe to purchase my morning latte and pastry:

I often take for granted that I work on an absolutely beautiful campus, that many of my friends/family/readers have never seen! So I'm going to try to include more pics w/ my posts!

Then, for lunch, I waited in a very long line to get the chef's special:

Apple Cider BBQ ribs, mac & cheese, and slaw. Totally worth the wait.

Hope you enjoyed these little glimpses in to my day. I'm taking on an absolutely impossible challenging feat tonight and this weekend. I am going to take a stab at cooking dinner tonight (chicken parm). And then, this weekend, I am going to TRY to bake 4 pies for a little Thanksgiving celebration. When I called my mom to ask her for her famous pie recipes, her response was, "You know, honey, you can always just buy pies." That is definitely plan B. But I bought 4 pie plates, a rolling pin, and an electronic mixer yesterday (because, honestly, why would I have those things?) Wish me luck!

Flying Fun

Monday, November 14, 2011

Last week, I got to experience the wonder of taking 6 flights in 5 days. And I never rode middle seat. That, my friends, is a small miracle. Now on Thanksgiving, when we go around the table, I'll finally have something to say.

Of course, technically, it was 3 trips (3 different connecting flights), but 6 flight numbers, 6 boarding passes, 6 chances to fight over the arm rest with wonderful strangers mid-air.

Most of my seat - mates were pretty nice, though the first guy was kinda over friendly. He introduced himself and told me all about his kids, grandkids, etc.  Which was totally fine. But at the end of the flight he kind of caught me off guard. Right after we landed, he asked out of the blue, "What's your last name?" Here's a challenge: try lying when someone asks you that. Impossible.

By far, my best seatmate was on my flight to Atlanta to Little Rock. When I didn't have one. The plane had over 100 seats, and there were only 21 people on the flight.

What's the chances one of those 21 people would be a screaming child? 100 percent. Still, it was nice that my legs were semi-comfortable for a couple hours. I said it before, and I'll say it again. Flying is the revenge of the short people. I don't think there's ever a flight where I don't hit my head.

 I told one of my friends about the ridiculously empty flight to Little Rock, and she commented by asking, "Can't they plan that better and get you on a smaller plane?" which was what I thought on the way there.

However, that question was answered on the flight back to ATL. Packed. They need the plane there - because everyone wants to leave ;) (Just kidding, Stephen!)

Also, when I was leaving LR, there was some problems with my carry on luggage. Namely, they kept running it through and then searching it, unable to find the hidden liquid. They ran it through THREE times. Searched it each time, and then ran it through again. I figured out that they were probably looking for my non-travel-sized toothpaste, but just let them keep running it through, hoping it would "pass" the next time.

I was torn because I knew my toothpaste was in the front zip compartment of my roll-on, yet, I didn't want to have to give it away because it wasn't travel sized. So I let them keep aimlessly searching the big compartment, until the paranoid part of me that likes being at my gate AT LEAST 30 minutes early kicked in and told the cheap part of me that didn't want to buy a new tube of toothpaste to suck it up. I told them where to find it, and sacrificed my tube of Crest in the name of punctuality. I told the TSA man and woman to feel free to use it. The woman responded, "We aren't allowed to keep anything." The man responded, "I don't use Crest." Not exactly sure what that last comment was all about.

So, of all the security gates I've passed through with my non-travel-sized toothpaste, Little Rock finally conquered me. I bought some travel toothpaste today at the grocery store. Along with 70 dollars worth of random food. That's what I get for shopping while starving!

As much as I hate on Arkansas though, it sure is pretty. I posted some previous pictures from my first trip in March and my second trip in May. It truly is a naturally gorgeous state, and it was beautiful to see in the fall!

Stephen and I legit climbed Pinnacle mountain this time. The other time we just walked on paths. Kind of like "Mountain climbing for dummies." This time, rocks, rocks, and more rocks!! And they were STEEP! It was hard to capture how steep, and how many there were, in pictures. There were lots of serious hikers/climbers there, since it was a beautiful day, and we were in the minority since we had tennis shoes on and not fancy hiking shoes, but we held our own.

One of my favorite pics from the climb

I hope each of you enjoyed your weekend, whether you spent lots of time traveling or never left the house!! This weekend, I'll probably shoot for the latter - and stay home, where I can use liquids that come in > 3 oz containers! :)

Happy Halloween! God Bless the USA!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

I realize that it's much closer to Veteran's Day than Halloween, but I've never served in a war before. But I do like wearing costumes! So I decided to post on the Holiday that has the "reason for the season" of CANDY before it gets too awkwardly late to post about it...

Of course I have kind of bad timing with, well, everything - so now, in addition to thinking I'm a fatass, you all think I'm an unpatriotic fatass since I dismissed Veterans Day like it was NBD in sentence #1. Let me tell you, my grandfather served in WWII and he is boss. He got remarried when he was like 80 years old, so he clearly has game. He just turned 91 and has been to all 50 states and tons of countries too! Remember when I told you about my 50 State Goal? Inspired by him! Remember when I got stuck in Detroit while crossing off a state? That sucked.

Additionally, I am a big supporter of all branches of the U.S. military. My boyfriend in 8th grade wanted to be in the USMC, so I used to envision myself as a military wife. Remember when we were all going to marry our 8th grade boyfriends...when did that fall through?

As if you have any doubt about me being patriotic, here's my July 4th tweet:

I also just now changed the title of this post, it was originally merely "Happy Halloween!' Neither title make sense at all, but at least NOW no one thinks I'm a terrorist.

Anyway, Halloween in Madison was crazy! My only regret is that I didn't walk around and take random pictures of random people so I could now post them. It would make for a better blog post, that's for sure. THOUSANDS of people come to Madison for Halloween. We're talking buses from Northwestern, Minnesota, etc! And everyone gets decked out dressed up. It's very entertaining!

I had 3 criteria this Halloween for my costume:
1. Must be cheap
2. Must be warm
3. Must not in anyway be perceived as me trying to look attractive

I know the last one seems lame, and it's not that I don't think I could pull off a cute Halloween look - I just totally hate the pressures society puts on girls on Halloween. So I resist them. And I know I sound like a feminist liberal, but did you forget I majored in English?

I once overheard this conversation at Bucknell while walking into the caf:

Bucknell Girl 1: What are you going to be for Halloween?
BG2: I'm not sure yet, but the secondary costume is going to be a whore.
BG1: Like, what do you mean?
BG2: You know, a nurse whore, a school girl whore, a fire fighter whore...something like that.

That right there? Reminds me of one of my favorite tweets:

Anyway: warm, cheap, and not cute. So, basically how I dress everyday anyway! I decided to go in my second grade costume that my mom sewed me...Behold, the world's largest candy corn:

 And, the night before, the world's least badass Steeler:
I can only hope that next year I can come up with 2 costumes that perfectly meet my triple threat of criteria.  If my two sisters come up next year...I have some ideas of another set we could rewear...

Happy (late) Halloween! Happy (early) Veteran's Day!

[Hey, look on the brightside, I haven't mentioned Christmas yet, like every national retailer out there!]

What's my Age Again?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I never had any type of “coming of age” celebration.  I’m not Jewish, so no Bat Mitzvah. I’m not Spanish, so no QuinceaƱera.  I’m not rich, so no super sweet sixteen broadcasted on MTV where I bought 14 different dresses, rode in a limo, and my daddy gave me a Porsche at the end of the night with a bow on it.  I distinctly remember getting a volleyball t-shirt, Altoids and a “cell phone to share with your twin sister” on my 16th birthday, but that’s a-whole-nother story.

If I had to choose though, I’d definitely choose Spanish. Seriously. Because I can roll my R’s like a boss. Fun fact: in 8th grade, my Spanish class had a trill-off.  It involved standing in front of the class and competing, bracket-style, who could roll their r’s the longest. I got second place, thank you very much.

You see? Right when you think I’m totally unaccomplished, I go and blow your mind with a story like that.

Anyway, nope, no coming-of-age celebration for my boring self. No milestone in my life to symbolize my grand transformation from youth to womanhood.  However, if anything, I have noticed that my transition to adulthood is a gradual one. And it’s happening to me right now. Symbolized by the gradual change of the contents in my Target bags.

In college, I was notorious for going to Wal Mart (let’s be honest, central PA didn’t have a Target til like my junior year), and, literally, buying out the candy aisle.

I shopped like every day was Halloween and I was going to have hoards of trick-or-treaters stopping by my dorm room, and I’ll be damned if I ever let one costumed kid go away without at least 3 take-five candy bars and 4 bags of skittles.

Only problem being, never did have any trick-or-treaters in the Bucknell dorms. So it was pretty much just me and my roommate left to consume the candy. But mostly me. Because my roommate? Didn’t inhale Reese’s Pieces like a crack addict.

Here is some proof from February about the whole candy-problem.
Don’t believe me? Here’s one of my first tweets from my collegiate glory days, from November of my junior year of college:

..side note: do you know how long it took me to scroll down to my tweets from 09? The things I do for your people...
Anyway, I can tell that I am finally seamlessly transitioning from my college days by examining my purchases at Target. Two days ago, I went to Target and bought, as follows: paper towels, Tide, dryer sheets, healthy granola bars, and I think that was it. I don’t know if you understand the magnitude of that shopping responsibility on my part.

Then, yesterday, I finally had my entering into adulthood shining moment: I purchased a vacuum cleaner. Not just a cheap college-dorm type either. A (relatively) expensive one that you have to assemble and everything.

Buying a vacuum totally made me feel like an adult. The fact that I then had a hotdog and fruit snacks for dinner, makes me feel like I’m actually 5 years old. [Yes, it was another hotdog from Target's snack bar]