True Love aka The Bachelor

Do you want to feel better about your relationship? Do you want to feel like you have a firm grasp on reality? Do you want to feel like you have a very strong handle on your emotions?

Watch The Bachelor!  I got really into it after starting my job and it makes for an awesome drinking game. I recommend taking a sip when you hear the words "perfect" "journey" or "bitch."

Watching right now and pathetic girl contestant number 8 just said "I do not only want alone time with Sean, I neeeeeed alone time with Sean."

I've been watching for about 12 minutes now and have seen no less than 3 girls sobbing over their pathetic love life prospects. I think we could have a spin off when the losers go to group therapy sessions together and win some self-confidence.

Also, Kacie just said, "I am NOT a drama person. I am not." Note: this is Kacie's second season on the show. There's no way she'd make the cut if she wasn't explicitly dramatic. 

Side note: it's on my bucket list to make it on The Bachelor and then purposely contract mono.

Side note number two: this conversation just happened:

Me: How many Fun Dips do you have to eat before you have a problem?

Roommate: ONE!

.

At that point, I've already had one blue/green and one cherry so what's one more? I bought the 24 Valentine's pack (above) which might have been appropriate if I were a fourth grader and my teacher was hosting a Valentine's party at school and I was planning to pass them out to my 9 year-old peers.

I suppose if The Bachelor contestants were watching a reality show about my life they would make fun of me too. They'd probably even write a mocking blog about me. If they were literate.

But I still think any girl who doesn't get a rose from Sean should at least get a free Match.com account.

Or, maybe a real date with Manti Te'o? If the NFL draft doesn't go well, he totally has a future in reality dating shows.