Christmas Songs Gone Wrong

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Let me start this post by saying, generally speaking, I love Christmas songs. And if you don't believe me, here's my tweet from yesterday morning:
If twitter isn't the ultimate source of truth, I don't know what is. I know some people tweet entertaining things about their day. I seem to err on the side of tweeting about activities of daily living. Waking up? Totally tweet worthy in my book. I must sincerely apologize to both of my followers. Today I tweeted about health insurance. The light at the end of the tunnel is clearly the "unfollow" button.

Regardless, although I'm not the joyful psychopath who starts blasting Jingle Bells the first day of November, I appreciate a good Christmas tune to put me in the holiday spirit. However, I've stumbled upon some highly questionable Christmas lyrics over the years, so without further ado, I present to you:

The Top 3 Most Senseless Christmas Lyrics
3. Later on, we'll conspire     
     As we dream, by the fire
       To face unafraid, the plans that we made
          Walking in a winter wonderland.

Someone needs a vocabulary lesson. According to

If the word "conspire" was intentionally used, I find this an interesting twist to a seemingly innocent song about playing in the snow. Perhaps they were doing more than knocking down snowmen? 

2. There'll be scary ghost stories, and tales of the glories
     of Christmases long, long ago
      It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Correct me if I'm missing some prevailing Christmas tradition, but does anyone use this "time of the year" as a venue for telling ghost stories?  First and foremost, I hate ghost stories and have to change the channel when a preview for a scary movie comes on. (Read about how you never want to watch Law and Order with me here).

Second and second most, if I did want to pencil in ghost-story telling onto my Advent calendar exactly when should I do this supposedly "festive" activity? In between the stockings and the presents? Before the Christmas Even Candlelight Service? 

Although everything else in this song sounds, more or less, wonderful, the whole ghost story bit sounds a little less wonderful and a little more "horrifying." Even if one person somewhere does exchange spooky stories over egg nog, I say leave it out of the song because it's not helping your case of proving this time of the year superior to all others.

1. The ox and lamb kept time
       Pa rum pa pum pum

This one truly takes the cake. I believe in the story of Christmas. But now the barnyard animals are acting as musical conductors? Also, isn't the entire point of percussion instruments at large that they keep time? Do we really need to recruit four-legged creatures for this task? Clearly, you demonstrated the drum's time-keeping ability by saying pa rum pa pum pum 57,000 times already. 

And, of all animals to direct the little boy's song, how did we settle on the ox and lamb combo? Seems like a fairly unlikely team, if you ask me.


I hope that I didn't permanently ruin your appreciation for these songs :) I will end with some holiday pictures to prove that I am not a scrooge:

centerpieces my crafty roomie made!!
pretty Christmas tree from a hotel lobby in St. Louis (where I just traveled for work)

I have many more Christmas decoration pics that I have been embarrassingly snapping on my iPhone in public - so maybe I will share some more in my next post! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night :)

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