No Pope, No Rules

Thursday, March 7, 2013

I am Christian, but even though I've never practiced Catholicism, I am still wholeheartedly participating in this tumultuous time in the religious world. I know what you're thinking: Joyce, I can't even tell there's no Pope. But then you'd be missing out on the most socially acceptable time in history to explicitly take oral contraceptives. Also, if there's ever been a time to eat meat on Fridays during Lent: this is it! Because it's a proven fact that everyone likes pepperoni pizzas better than fish, especially on Fridays.

let's be honest
How can I make such a blanket statement when there are hundreds of vegetarians (and even pescetarians) out there running a muck? Proof of my point is, if everyone didn't like meat more, vegetarians wouldn't have to make such a big deal about their vegetarianism. There would just exist these people who didn't eat meat but also didn't label it. Catch my drift? I don't eat croutons. But you don't hear me screaming it from the roof tops.

I'd like to see a reality TV show that attempts to hunt down secret vegetarians and vegans who don't remind you about it at every breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

But now I'm making fun of people with unusual eating habits and I've strayed from mocking Catholicism - back to our Pope conundrum!

I was watching the news this weekend (not on purpose, came on right after basketball ), and they were talking about how the Vatican is trying to get a new Pope because they must be under the impression that someone cares about this. I mean I totally volunteered and stuff, but apparently they found out about the one time I stole Skittles in third grade. 

Anyway, there was an awesome quote that went something like "These religious leaders will be meeting in the next few days to have what they like to call discussions."

I like that our religious leaders aren't having just plain "discussions" but are holding "what they like to call discussions." So. Much. More. Devout. Therefore, I'm determined to use this tactic to increase the perception of my overall importance in life.

Example A: "Regarding that issue, I will send you what I like to call an email."

Additionally, I saw this baller tweet from Steve Martin:

Moral of the story: using the above strategies, my life anecdotes are becoming exponentially more fascinating.

Example B: In my highly anticipated trip to the hotel's fitness center, I ran what I like to call a mile.

Example C: In my highly anticipated first blog post of March, this is what I like to call the end.

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